Yesterday at work, I was proudly reflecting on the fact that even though we had quite a few bumps and hurdles and times when I didn’t think they would make it through the week but they did it! My two addicts had managed their way through one full week of recovery! They even survived an entire week with no internet or cell phones! I had decided to sit down and write about the first week, but then my son called me over and had a conversation with me last night that changed what I would write about today. This is how our conversation went:
My son asked “Mom, have I told you that I love you today?” I said “no.” He said “well, I love you!” And I said “I love you too!” Then he asked, “Mom, have I told you that you are beautiful today?” And I said “no.” He said “well, you are beautiful!” Then he asked, “Mom, have I told you that I think you have pretty hair lately?” Then I started laughing and said “okay, get to the point, what are you wanting?” He said “nothing, but have I told you that your hair is pretty, because it is!” And then he continued on. He said “And guess what else Mom? Just guess!” I said “I have no idea son, go ahead and tell me.” He said “I’ve been clean for 9 days today! Aren’t you proud of me? I mean we have been clean for 9 days! Aren’t you proud of us?” I said “yes, I’m extremely proud of you and I’m even more proud of you that you are counting the days this time instead of me!” Then we had a big hug and went back to our normal nightly routine.
That was such an eye opening conversation for me last night!!! If you’ve read my earlier posts, you know that I’ve been the one counting the days of his sobriety or the days that he has been “clean”, not him. This is HUGE in my eyes. Because before, he has not recognized that he had a problem so he wouldn’t count the days he had been clean. This time, he is counting!!!! I am beside myself with pride!!!!! Yes, he has made it longer than 9 days before, but he has never COUNTED those days before!! He’s never cared how long he was clean before. He just always looked forward to his next high and when it would come along and how he would get to it.
I can see small changes in him every day that make me proud. There are many more that I want to see, but I keep reminding my self that this takes baby steps and I try not to push him. Today is day 10. Today could lead to day 11 or today could be the the last day he’s clean……I never know. But I like to keep the glass half full kind of attitude!
My name is Julie. I’m 46 years old and I’m the mother of a recovering meth addict. ❤